To the Group Chats (+ Girlfriends) Who Kept Me Sane in 2020
It all started with a pantsuit wedding dress and three of my closest girlfriends: Angela Grace, Madeline Mace, and Carina Allen.
It’d been five months post-grad. Five months of adjusting to life without spontaneous trips with my girls to grab brunch, midnight-trips to Waffle House (shout out to Angie and Gio for this one), or just cooking dinner together, watching movies/shows together, or reveling in each other’s presence.
Sometime in October 2019, I’d posted a fall photo of myself in a black pantsuit, smiling, standing amid prime New England fall, drowned in oranges and reds and yellows.
Angela was the first one to comment. She said something about pantsuits being my trademark, and how if I didn’t get married in a pantsuit it would essentially be a total waste. I told her I’d actually stumbled on a dream bridal pantsuit recently, and said I’d send it to her. Carina then chimed in, “omg, can I see it, too?” And so I thought, hey, if we were all in person, I’d totally bunch up this group of girls and just say “what do you guys think of this?”
So I put them both in a group chat and added Madeline, because it wouldn’t feel complete without her.
After a few days of gleefully exclaiming about how heartwarming this virtual circle we’d made was, we finally decided to officialize our union with a groupchat name.
“Let’s rename this group chat. Idk what tho. Any ideas?” Angie started.
Maddie quickly jumped in:
“The Fab Four
Sisterhood of the traveling pants
Oregon, Massachusetts, Tennessee, Florida
FOMT
Corgi Squad
Femme Fatale
The HERd
Pantsuit Dodgers
*Pantsuit SISTERS
Queen Bees
Flossy Posse”
“How does Maddie have so many good ideas?!” I wrote.
”I like Flossy Posse,” she answered.
”So let it be written, so let it be done.” Angie said.
And there was that.
Since then, the Flossy Posse group chat has been become a life raft, a safe haven, my meme generator and my weekly/daily newsletter for random updates. Angela sends pictures of her cat, Carina sends memes, Maddie sends us things she finds funny or interesting, and every so often we’ll all jump in on a group FaceTime and make everyone take turns sharing what’s happening in their lives, what’s weighing on their hearts, or what they’ve been thinking about recently. And when something frustrating happens to any of us, or if somebody wounds us deeply, we rally. No one rallies for each other better than the four of us do. Which is pretty great for me, because they make up so much of my emotional support system.
Among my favorite Flossy Posse quarantine memories are our virtual celebrations. Since we couldn’t properly celebrate Maddie’s graduation during quarantine, we threw her a Zoom graduation party! We sent her mum decorations to set up, took care of the food, and sent her a grad cap to put on. We even designed her a fake diploma and made a powerpoint to present to her during our “graduation ceremony.” It’s basically the level of extra that I live for.
It’s ironic and painful that we’re all nestled on opposite corners of the country. Carina lives in the Northwest in Oregon, Maddie lives south of her in California. I live in the Northeast in Massachusetts, and Angela lives all the way South in Florida. My therapist calls us the four pillars, since we’re positioned to look that way in my location app, and also because we literally hold each other up.
Maddie
Maddie is sweet, comforting, artistic and bold—our enneagram four. Always affirming us, holding space for our feelings, and the first one to jump to our rescue in a conflict. She laughs easily, loves musicals, and is always the one to add depth to otherwise lighthearted conversations. Her art has always moved and inspired me, and I’m always thankful that someone so cool and so creative is my friend. She is effervescent, sensitive and profound, and to experience her is to experience femininity in its purest, most artistic form. God really went off when he made her. She’s usually the first to ask “So how are you, really?” and the one to make a totally unexpected joke at the most random points in conversation. We love her for it.
Angie
Angie is sassy, loyal, introspective and tender-hearted—our enneagram six. She is soulful, attentive, friend-oriented and deeply kind, always making sure everyone is okay, and ready to alleviate the pressure for when it gets too much. She is ever concerned for the well-being and safety of those she loves, and she also makes really great food. Since our dorm days, she was readily sharing her food, even when she didn’t have much to share. We always say that God ordained our friendship, which is probably one of the wiser things we say, but it’s true. We needed each other. Still do.
I’ve known her since we were 17/18, and she has seen my entire evolution from then to now, from former relationships to periods of deep uncertainty, drastic transitions, new relationships, marriage, adulting, and taking big leaps. I could not have navigated all of that without her.
Carina
Carina is intentional, hilarious, deeply caring and so detail oriented in the way that she loves—our enneagram two. Even though she claims she has terrible memory, she’ll remember your favorite scent, favorite tea flavors and other small things I don’t even remember about myself most of the time. She sends letters when she knows you’re sad, is always down for a Netflix marathon, gets hilariously invested into sports, and is one of the most supportive, loving, accepting, empowering people. She’s also the type of friend to fly across the country to visit you in one of your lowest points, in the thick of a New England winter, just so she has new pictures to post with you on your birthday.
These women make my life richer, and their love stabilizes and empowers me. Sometimes when we’re all together, laughing and being absolutely ridiculous like we were for Angela’s wedding festivities, I’ll just have silent, emotional moments of overwhelm. These weirdos are the great big loves of my life, different pieces of my soul in different forms, and the people God has given me to walk through life with. It’s special and priceless to be loved by them.
I can’t write a whole blog post about groupchats and not shout out my OG group—
The (un)holy Trinity, made up of two of my oldest and best friends Roxanne Laing (Rocky, to me) and Brandon Beneche. I texted them this morning saying it was absolutely unsurprising that Brandon made his way into what is essentially a post for Galentine’s Day, but he’s also been the only dude we’ve unanimously allowed access into our zone of psychological safety.
Roxanne and I met when we were 11/12, and easily bonded over our shared humor, distaste for sports, and our similar way of viewing the world, which is essentially all you need for friendship in 7th grade. Thankfully though, we’ve stuck around for much longer than that.
Rocky
“Whatever our souls are made of, yours and mine are the same,” we would sometimes say. When I was still learning to love myself, Roxanne taught me how love should be experienced. She is proof that romance isn’t limited to romantic relationships. She made me my first mixtape (she remixed all of the songs we loved in 8th grade and burned them into a CD for my birthday), has done my makeup for almost all of my important events—making me feel beautiful always, embarrassingly messaged my middle-school crush on Facebook to “casually” bring me up in conversation, hosted me for sleepovers more times than I could count, was my date to at least 2 Valentine’s Days in highschool, literally held me in her arms through heartbreak, loyally held grudges against anyone who hurt me, and has been my companion through studying abroad, college, and now adulthood.
Brandon is consistent, gentle, level-headed, emotionally aware, and deeply kind. A natural expert in the feels, we’ve easily accepted him into our woman spaces and keep him around for his derp humor, great advice, and all-around fulfilling friendship. (I could easily write tons more about Brandon and the stability and intentionality he’s provided in my life, but alas, this is a post for the gals ;) So we’ll circle back to this.)
Our groupchat has been going strong for 7 years now, and we come to each other for general advice, random exchanges, and just top-tier interactions. I can share literally any random, weird thought I have with them—like think New Girl banter but in a groupchat—which is pretty darn great. We have little rituals and each of us have our own quirks we contribute to this otherwise wholesome, heartwarming trio. Every day that the three of us get to spend together, which is unfortunately scarce as we’re all spread across the states (with Roxanne now living in Canada), is my new favorite day.
Other gal pals I’m thankful for today, that were bright lights in my 2020:
Paola, my childhood bestie, college roommate, and everything else. She knows too much about me to not be my friend, but with everything we’ve experienced together, we’re more like relatives at this point. She has seen every evolution and cheered me on through every step. There are too many words to capture our entire friendship history on this blog post, but I’ll say this—my 9 year old self knew she was one to keep forever.
My childhood girl squad, Amy, Diana, Sharisse, who know pieces of me that most others won’t ever see.
Kristen Vonnoh, one of my college besties and “emotional soulmate,” as she likes to say, since we’re always feeling the same feelings around the same time. I value her boldness, beauty and individuality--and am so thankful she’s empowered my own. I miss our Sunday brunch dates (which literally inspired my blog), going with her to thrift stores, day trips to Nashville, waking up at ungodly hours to watch the sunrise, and going through 7 hair changes together. Our friendship is invaluable to me.
Tierra Hayes, the calm to my storm--the best news editor a girl could ever work with and the most loyal friend. I miss living in the same proximity as her and playing The Sims together in silence.
Elena Anunciado, my enneagram 9, a powerful source of positivity, grace, and gentle strength. I admire her deeply and love her even more. From working together, wasting all of our Hulu and Youtube TV free trials to watch Jane the Virgin as it aired, hosting potlucks together, living together, buying way too many flowers at the farmers market and never using our dining room table correctly-- I’m so happy we’re friends for the long run.
Lizzie Hickman, my powerful enneagram 8--the type of friend who’d literally help me bury a body if I ever killed someone, and the first person I’d call if I ever needed someone to go to bat for me. Her honesty, hospitality, kindness, and her all around huge heart for her friends is my favorite part about her. Her friendship has always granted me a space to simply be, without any expectations.
Elena Shand, the biggest reason my 2-year-stint in Worcester has been lovelier than expected. I love our girl dates, long chats that bring us back to life, Target runs, Trader Joes dates, watching Little Women (5 times in the theater), ranting about more shows than I can remember, and falling in love with her mind. She’s the type of shooting star people want to hitch their wagons to, and I wish her a life more beautiful than her imagination.
Laura Chase, my comical, supportive, intuitive, brilliant enneagram 1--the medical field is blessed that she exists. Also the most intentionally thoughtful person I’ve ever met, and the best addition to any team. Our differences and contrasting ways of approaching the world are my favorite part about our friendship.
Gio Gallimore, the most beautiful heart, disarming personality and accepting spirit—I can share any and all of my ugly with her and never feel judged for it, which is the greatest gift I could ever ask for.
Sierra Emilaire, a tender-hearted, creative, beautiful person. She thinks she’s an enneagram 1, but I’m so positive she’s a four, since she blesses our lives with her rich, colorful emotions and expressions. Being a part of her journey in any capacity is a gift to me. She deserves the entire world. Or maybe better.
Hannah D’avanzo, a free-spirited, intentional, beautiful being. She literally takes every single lemon life has given her and makes the sweetest freaking lemonade every single time.
Gia Arroyo, mi primita—I look forward to every single one of our conversations. I have done a month’s full of laughing every time we speak. She is the most effortlessly hilarious person I have ever met, and experiencing friendship with her is an all-around joyful, vibrant experience. I am so, so lucky/happy/blessed to be related to her. She’s such a star.
Loree Drasich, an other-centered, kind soul, whose emotional awareness and maturity is something to aspire to. She is full of wonder, of stories, of beauty.
Amanda Ellis, my boss at my Chattanooga Chamber internship, whose gentle leadership, organization, and drive for excellence in her work inspires me. I recently realized she’s consistently at the top of my text threads because we talk almost every day because of work, but she’s also been a friend and guiding force to me this year, which I’m not sure she’s aware of, but it’s meant a great deal to me.
Forever in appreciation of—
Alexy’s generosity and empowering personality; Felicia’s passion and fight for social justice; Ruth’s transparency and faith; Rena’s quirky, lighthearted personality and talent; Madeline Miranda-Navarro’s spunk, delightful friendship and boldness; Aimee’s tender-heart, beautiful spirit and support; Yaniz’ friendship, delicious food, and easy conversation; Sheann’s passionate, deep love for her friends; Abby’s hospitality, generosity, intelligence and love; Aly’s word-smithing, dog photos, catching-up-after-a-long-time-dates and overall rad personality; Natibel’s genuine kindness, intuition, and sweet persona; Krista’s enneagram 3-ness, dependability, resourcefulness and support, Mel’s strength, opinions, resiliency and creativity; Elizabeth’s bright and shining soul and friendship; Rosalba’s intelligence, strength, and sense of humor; Brunette’s presence, gentleness, hilarity, and friendship; Jessica’s pick-up-right-where-we-left-of friendship, bunny pictures, consistency and loyalty.
Forever in admiration of—
Samantha McCollough, Lauren Brooks, Alissa Innamorati, Ariana Romero.